Seven life lessons we can all learn from midday movies

During last year’s tedious lockdown in Melbourne, the days were long and sometimes I’d watch the midday movie for a break during work.

There is a reason these movies go straight to dvd release however it turns out we can all pick up some valuable life lessons from them.

Here are seven life lessons I have learnt from watching midday movies. This is more of a fun post so please don’t take it too seriously!

Number 1. If you are a teacher new to town and have a one night stand with a hot young guy, chances are he will turn up in your English class as a student. If there is one reason to practice abstinence this is most likely it.

Number 2. If your best friend’s mum is acting a bit nutty, it may because she is doping her teen daughter up and making her deliberately ill so she does not leave for college. It will take you weeks and weeks to convince those around you to see the truth and may even lead to an almost fatal fight near the staircase with said mother.

Number 3. A movie called Blue Eyed Butcher does not necessarily mean it’s about a woman who works in the meat industry. Rather, it is more likely to be about a pretty blue eyed housewife who decides to butcher her abusive spouse with her collection of Stanley Rodgers knives and drag his extremely bloodied body to the backyard where she buries him in a very obvious grave. It will take his family several months to realise why Frank the dog keeps sniffing at that mound next to the kid’s playground (open your eyes people!)

Number 4. If you have an attractive brother or sister and are locked in an attic together during your teenage years, it is highly likely you will fall in love with each other and experience the once in the lifetime love that people can only dream of. Strangely enough, not everyone will be happy for you.

Number 5. If your teenage daughter falls in love with an extremely handsome yet troubled boy, there is nothing you can do until he kidnaps her and takes her to a dense forest. Only then will she realise the danger she is in and will have naively ignored all of the red flags (stabbing her father, shooting at an officer etc). You know, minor things.

Number 6. If you are being stalked by a crazed lover, you will always have a hunky and love smitten ex boyfriend in the wings just waiting to save you. He will also get shot at in the chest whilst trying to protect you but will always survive so do not fear.

Number 7. If your phone gets hacked and somebody is releasing all of your naughty photos and videos to your class, the obvious suspect should be your mum. Not the shady boyfriend, the jealous best friend. Oh no. I mean, what mother doesn’t want to see her teen daughter half naked? Wrong on so many levels.

What are some life lessons you picked up during lockdown?

Roxane.

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